We spoke with numerous experts to gain a better understanding of how to navigate the “terrible twos” with dignity, compassion, and understanding.
Parents of young children undoubtedly experience some concern as their children get closer to becoming toddlers, especially during the so-called “terrible twos.” This is a term used to describe the problems that come with raising a 2-year-old.
Yet, despite the negative connotation of the word, not all aspects of parenting a 2-year-old are terrible. Really, two-year-olds are charming, imaginative, and inquisitive little people. A good attitude and a few tricks up your sleeve can also make it much easier to get through the difficult parts.
How to Deal with Toddler Temper Tantrums
We consulted with various experts in the field to gain a deeper understanding of the terrible twos and to offer suggestions for surviving this stage with grace, knowledge, and a positive approach.
What Causes the Dreadful Twos?
The term “the terrible twos” is used to describe the occasionally challenging behaviors of kids around the age of 2. It’s noteworthy to note that the term “terrible twos” has been in use since the 1950s or thereabouts. It usually refers to a young child who frequently questions authority figures, such as their parents.
Oh, and, of course, tantrums. Children who are going through the terrible twos have a tendency to act out “at the drop of a hat”. Despite how occasionally noisy and bothersome a 2-year-behavior old’s can be, he reassures parents that this is a developmentally appropriate phase.
Parents may be upset to hear this, but this is normal, healthy behavior for a young child whose brain is rapidly developing.
They are getting better at expressing their wants, but they still have trouble controlling their emotions and their patience. Some toddlers at this age might be somewhat challenging, while others are more laid-back and quiet.
When Do the Terrible Twos Start?
Although there are no set guidelines, the terrible twos often start at around age 2. Some children mature rapidly, while others take a bit longer to reach their fussy, intransigent stage. Most kids start showing more emotional instability, tantrums, and opposition between the ages of 2 and 3 years, while certain early bloomers may start acting out badly before the age of 2 years (18 months+).
Children typically migrate into terrible two behavior after reaching three. This may come as an unwelcome surprise to parents who thought they were past this time. When it appears later, the demands of toileting and social constraints that youngsters are having difficulty adjusting to are frequently at fault.
What Marks a Child as Being in the Terrifying Twos?
So how can you know if your child has begun to experience the dreaded terrible twos? Your toddler will refuse to do things like eating, getting dressed, and going to bed (usually known as a sleep regression).
Your child will start to act out when they have problems that appear insignificant. In addition, you might see your kid deliberately deviating from the norm and participating in unsettling behaviors like biting, throwing items, and destroying toys.
How Should You Approach the Terrifying Twos?
There is still hope, even though it is reasonable to be worried about your kids’ new, possibly erratic behaviors. Here are some tips from experts on how to get through this challenging time.
Don’t plan too far ahead.
It is beneficial to have realistic expectations on the traits and behaviors you might expect from 2-year-olds. The fact that your child can now walk, talk, and feed himself does not imply that they are prepared for sophisticated instructions. Therefore be kind to yourself and your little child.
Plan out your actions.
Have a clear plan for dealing with any off-task behavior and a system for rewarding positive behavior. Depending on your individual parenting approach, this may mean removing your child from potentially hazardous or disruptive situations and/or employing time-outs. One technique to reward positive conduct in children is to constantly compliment them when they behave properly. This will teach your child which behaviors that are acceptable and which are not. Your child will have numerous opportunities thanks to this to practice emotional control.
Create consistent habits
It can be very helpful to foresee any bad habits, says Brianna Leonhard, creator of Third Row Adventures, a professional behavior analyst, and a licensed teacher (BCBA). She suggests that parents may help their children navigate the terrible twos by establishing routines ahead of time, before tantrums begin. Again, this can mean repeatedly addressing bad habits and praising positive ones. Leonhard further asserts that routines centered on everyday activities, naps, and sleep will reduce anxiety and irrational outbursts.
Give your child two choices.
One thing Leonhard always believes in is giving your kids choices. She suggests giving parents two options so they can maintain parental control while giving toddlers a sense of authority. For example, both an apple and a banana are healthy snacks that you might provide to your child. She described how the toddler is given a choice and may take ownership of their snack, even while the parent finds both of the selections provided to be appropriate.
Encourage your child to become aware of their “silent body”
Young children as early as 2 years old can learn calming techniques to deal with “big” emotions. You can teach your child these coping skills when they are not acting out in a tantrum so that they can use them in the future.
For instance, you might be able to tell your child that their body is not at peace when you see them beginning to become dysregulated. This should encourage them to use previously learned calming techniques. You can say something like, “Your body is not comfortable, my love.” We’re going to the other room, and I’m going to wait until your body is quiet before we start playing again since you’re crying so much.” You should applaud your child for trying to unwind. Over time, they’ll get better at doing this.
When to Seek Outside Help
While most of your child’s “terrible two” behavior is normal and something they will outgrow, some behaviors necessitate some outside help. Dr. Weber urges parents to consult with their kid’s pediatrician if they believe their child is engaging in potentially hazardous activities including hitting, harming siblings, or destroying property.
Selection of a Pediatrician
If you’re unsure about whether this behavior is normal or if you should see a child therapist, neurologist, developmental pediatrician, or another behavior specialist, your doctor can help you make that determination. Remember that you are not alone at all times. It’s hard to raise a child who is 2 years old. Yet, just like everything else associated with parenthood, this too shall pass.